Elephant on My Chest
Dear Kristy,
I do believe I brought home an elephant with me from the hospital after having a double mastectomy and reconstruction. It is sitting on my chest. And the so called ‘boobs’ feel like they are up in my collar bone! On a positive note, the grogginess is gone and I am back in the real world. I have stopped taking the prescription pain pills that make me hallucinate and my back contract. Who in their right mind can be addicted to those little pills! I am alternating ibuprofen and tylenol and it seems to be working just fine.
I think I lost weight! I am sure I lost weight. I mean a big part(s) of my body is GONE! I have the feeling when you realize the weight of leaving your bag at a restaurant or something! But I could stand to loose a few pounds and I think in the end the new set is going to turn out just fine. If I can just get rid of the elephant.
I can not express in words the gratitude I have for all of the prayers,messages, visits, love, cards, flowers, gifts and meals I have received. It is overwhelming if I let my mind go there. Jeff doesn’t always express it well either, especially when he walks in the house and says “It looks like a funeral around here!” He is so sensitive, but that is neither her nor there!
I am beyond blessed. I know this well. I have studied the Bible and attempted to live what it says but the blessings that comes with living for Him are indescribable. Here is my attempt in expressing the way I feel today.
It’s like blessings are being poured out over and over. With bad news you feel like everything is completely stripped from you. It is a gut punch and a reminder once again that you are not in control of your life. But after time passes you are blessed all over again with the things in your life. Some are the very same things you had before, some are different and new. I can not list all of the blessings that have been given to me over the years. Jeff, my children, my family, my friends, our church, deep-down peace, assurance of God’s love are just a few. And when suffering comes it feels like all those things are literally stripped from me like taking a lollypop from a toddler. But after much prayer on my part and the prayers from loved ones you wake up one day and realize you have been blessed all over again! I just want to take every blessing and hug it and claim it and set it on a shelf and put MY name on it. Ultimately I can not praise GOD enough for letting me experience the blessings all over again! It is humbling.
I would never wish this for my life. But if it takes things like this to see the treasures in my life, I’d much rather experience the suffering. I would much rather have this mindset and perspective than to have lived a life of having my own way. I am not unaware that my loved ones have to go through the struggles along with me. I struggle with the guilt of being a worry and burden. But it is like I told a good friend lately who has had her fare share of struggles. The vallies in life can really stink but it sure makes the mountain top experiences so much more sweeter!
God is good and He is worth living for, even with an elephant on your chest!
I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.
I Corinthians 9:23,
Carolyn
If only all Christians looked at suffering from your lens. I admire you so much, I can’t even express it in words. I pray that one when I come upon my valley that I have at least a tenth of your faith, love, & dedication for God. I wish I was there baking you some Mexican bread!!!
Love,
E
What a blessing this entry was to me. I am so thankful for your friendship and your wonderful spirit. You are such an inspiration and a reminder that we are blessed, all of us.
Thank you.
Just wanted to say we love you!
Caro, I am confused….do you already have the new boobs??
. Anyway all kidding aside, I am truly grateful for the many lessons I have learned from you over the years. God has give you a cup that I am quite sure you had rather him take from you but you have drunk from it with such grace, and humility! What an example of perseverance you are to all around you. I wis I was there to help in some way! Love you!
So happy that you are doing well and keeping a positive outlook. I pray that you continue to keep your strong joyful spirit and remember that you are such a blessing to those of us who have had a chance to be a part of your life!
I’m glad to hear you are doing well. Your faith and your perspective are very inspiring! Love to you and tell that elephant to scram.
~Sarah in AK
Carolyn,
You are such a blessing and example to me. Wish we could see all of you for Christmas, but we’re going to make it to Virginia to visit at some point. I know you’re glad to have the surgery behind you. We pray you have a blessed Christmas. Tell Jeff & kiddos hi and Merry Christmas.
Praying for the elephant to go and the blessings to stay!
Thanks for the update sweet niece. I agree with all who say, “You are an inspiration!”
Love you.
Carolyn,
You may or may not know that your mom and I have been BEST FRIENDS, Kids growing up in Pecos together and then moving away to college and first roommates together for years we have been in touch….. I knew your dad as he was my oldest brothers best friend in High School….. Through all these years since you were conceived, I have known you, known about you, watched your sweet babies grow up to GORGEOUS children… I have known your FAITH, what you have endured and I feel as though you and your family live in my heart through T…. You have been in my prayers as well as your mama, Danny and your husband and GORGEOUS, PRECIOUS kids….. Just wanted you to know I have prayed for you and your family. I KNOW we have a good Lord who watches over us and sometimes test us, but he always listens….. So grateful to him for helping you through this… You and your family have been in my prayers and will continue to be there…. Hope to meet you in person some day. I can’t tell you how much I care for your mother and her family. So with that all said…. you take care, have a very very MERRY CHRISTMAS… and you could maybe ask Santa to take that elephant to the Zoo or the Jungle, just take it off you!!! Feel better……. thinking of you!!
Glad to hear things went well for you. You still have continued prayers coming our way.
Wow!! You always amaze me! Your words are so true! Glad you are getting better each day! Think about you lots! Love ya! Happy birthday on the 24th!! I had wanted new boobs for my 40th, but think I’ve changed my mind!!!!lol!
Wow!! I’ve never read your blog before and never new you could write that good!
Hey, Carolyn. Prayed for you. I just noticed that your traffic counter has me listed for multiple visits. I always keep a large number of tabs open, including this post. I have checked back to see if our OBU friends are adding comments. The counter must show every time I restore or come back to the tab. Looks like Jeff and/or the kids went to the Sugar Bowl. Tough loss after such a valiant comeback!